"The Alchemy of Souls" By Arafa Al Hammadi
How many of us maintain a personal blog where we truly express every intricate detail of our lives? It seems that such candid blogging is more common in the Western world.
These seemingly fearless bloggers write without concern for others' opinions or the reactions their words may provoke. Their blog is their sanctuary—a space for unfiltered self-expression. They draw a line: what’s personal remains private.
Meanwhile, others, like me, use blogs as a medium to share experiences while still keeping certain layers of their lives private.
Welcome to My World—ARAFASWORLD
A place I often describe as boundless—a realm of endless possibilities.
Once, I dreamt of being celebrated, and admired within my community for my achievements. I confess, that there were moments of envy toward others’ successes, but that same envy became my motivation. It drove me to persist in doing what I loved and to continuously strive for self-improvement.
Then, one day, after years of effort, I paused. I vividly recall searching for my name on Google and seeing myself pop up in the results. I thought I’d feel proud, but instead, I was overcome with unease—mainly at the idea of my dad discovering this unexpected recognition. (Yes, I’m still laughing about it!)
Time flew, and soon I was being interviewed by fitness magazines and online publications. They asked about my athletic journey—cycling, basketball, running, yoga, gymnastics—and my experiences with national teams. The inevitable question always arose: Where do you see yourself in 5-10 years?
That question always unsettles me. My usual response? "Allah knows best." For me, life is about acquiring knowledge, exploring paths, and embracing change. I’ve never envisioned myself being confined to one place.
When asked if I ever imagined running my own business, I’d reply, “Yes, but only if it serves humanity.”
Those interviews felt like fleeting moments of fame—a brief glow in a hall of recognition. At first, it was thrilling. But as time passed, I began to question if this spotlight was what I truly desired.
I explored different jobs, never settling for long, especially when I encountered unkind managers. Eventually, I coined a term for myself: “workveller.” ( Work Traveller ) (Yes, I made that up—all rights reserved!)
Writing Is My Lifeline
Writing is my sustenance, my breath, my path. My pen is my partner, my confidant—even my dance partner at times. Call me a poet, if you will! #Haiku
I don’t write for a large audience, but I do hope that those who read my words do so by choice, not coercion. My writing mirrors my emotions—sometimes amusing, sometimes melancholic, always authentic.
How did it all begin?
When I was 12, my world changed. I lost my best childhood friend and was diagnosed with Irritable Bowel Syndrome. My health was fragile, my growth stunted, and my body constantly battling sensitivity. Writing became my refuge during that tumultuous time.
By my first year of law school, my weight stabilized, and I began to find balance—physically, at least.
But the emotional scars lingered. Recently, I found myself in tears, yearning for someone to confide in. That person once existed in my life but is no longer here.
He was everything to me—my confidant, my solace, my anchor. But now, he’s gone.
Loneliness oscillates within me—some days, I accept it; other days, it engulfs me. It’s a complex emotion that often defies explanation.
Yet, what choice do we have but to move forward?
A Dance With Life’s Questions
God has granted us free will, yet our choices are already written in His divine book. The paradox is both fascinating and perplexing.
At 19, I believed I’d made a terrible mistake. Looking back now, it feels trivial compared to the challenges I face today. Still, I can’t help but wonder:
Why am I here? Why must my actions cause suffering for others? Why does luck seem to elude me?
There were times I wished for my own demise, believing it would end the pain I felt I caused others. But deep down, I knew this wasn’t the answer. God knows better, and I’ve learned to silence those voices of despair before they overwhelm me.
I yearn for a simpler life, free from these struggles, where I no longer burden anyone else. Yet, Alhamdulillah, I’m still standing—still smiling.
Embracing the Darkness
Lately, I’ve grown fond of the night and averse to the morning light. I find solace in the stillness of darkness, broken only by a faint glow from a distant corner.
Every day, I wish for rain, for thick clouds to obscure the sun. In the shades of gray, I find a strange kind of beauty.
Reflections of the Soul
Despite the confidence I project, there are moments when I don’t feel strong. At times, I lack the courage to face certain challenges but push forward out of fairness or obligation.
I fear the unknown, yet I am driven to explore it. Some days, I understand myself completely; other days, I feel like a stranger in my own skin.
I’m still learning to embrace who I am. I don’t always feel beautiful or exceptionally intelligent, but I am always eager to grow, learn, and discover.
And though I am not entirely at peace with myself, Alhamdulillah, I am alright.
"The Alchemy of Souls"
By Arafa Al Hammadi
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